


This Is Your Heart

by cute_will_kill



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-15
Updated: 2013-01-17
Packaged: 2017-11-25 15:03:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/640109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cute_will_kill/pseuds/cute_will_kill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock and John have to go to a club for an investigation but what happens when Sherlock finally confronts the fact that he's attracted to John, they get a little drunk, John asks Sherlock to dance and one of John's rather possessive ex's turns up? Smut.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. March

_This Is Your Heart_

: :

Sherlock sighed, flopping back onto the couch, he had explained the importance of speed to John and yet he was _still_ getting ready. Sherlock himself was in dark, tight fitting jeans, a shirt (with more than the usual amount of buttons undone but still tight (dark blue- one of John's favourites)) and converse.He dangled his legs over the arm of the sofa rolling his eyes at the skull on the mantle trying to convey just how  **bored** he was with waiting.

The nightclub Sherlock was  _trying_ to get to tonight was owned by a gang that had murdered four people. Hence Sherlock's clothing and eye-liner/shadow (black outlined eyes and dark blue lids (the colour of John's eyes); they needed to blend in.

God Sherlock hoped John wouldn't just wear some old jeans and one of his horrendous (cute) jumpers. He thought he had stressed the need to blend in but he might not have heeded the warning...

His thoughts were interrupted by footsteps hurrying down the stairs and entering the living room. "Come on Sherlock! I thought you wanted to hurry?" John's voice held a teasing note.

Sherlock blinked for a couple of seconds trying to clear his head before nodding and standing. Quickly he made his way past John hoping he wouldn't notice his blush. Unbeknown to him John was smirking at Sherlock's back.

: :

Sitting at the bar with John was  _hell;_ he kept noticing little things like how good his slightly bronzed skin looked or how the metal of his dog tags caught the light and winked at people, capturing their attention.

Sherlock was completely lost about how to feel right now; he wasn't even sure how John would act if he found out Sherlock was...interested. The fact that tonight was just the final straw- the doctor finally driving him to distraction- didn't help. Around the flat he was just about able to control himself; stop himself string too long at John when he bent over and even just when he was in the same room or brushing his hand over the back of the ex-soldier's when he handed him a cup or brushed past.

And that was before other people started showing interest in his roommate.

: :

John smiled genuinely at the man who approached, the man grinned back confidently and- when he reached John- leant forward sliding a hand up John's thigh and whispering breathily in his ear.

"Hey, wanna dance, sexy?"

John blushed a little at this and smiled politely this time, "No sorry; I'm just going to drink for now. Thanks though."

The guy pulled a bit of a face and said  _Okay_  walking away. John felt a bit bad but turned back to drink, just before he did though he caught a glimpse of Sherlock's face.

No.

No, it couldn't be.

He couldn't be  _relieved_.

No he had to have seen wrong, Sherlock didn't do  _relief_ or  _feelings_  for that matter. No, wouldn't want to get his hopes up.

: :

An hour later- which included John rejecting about as many people as he'd had half pints (seven, not that Sherlock was counting. Of course; that would be ridiculous, he wouldn't keep track of number or that they were both sexes for that matter.)- a man tentatively approached Sherlock.

"Hi, my name's Scott, want to dance?" Sherlock felt his face heat up and he looked down at his drink, what was happening to him?

He felt John stiffen a little next to him and then chuckle, though it almost sounded forced, "Good luck with that mate." John directed this at Scott and patted Sherlock's shoulder gently. This made Sherlock blush even more.

He glanced up at Scott; he really wasn't bad looking with blonde hair in artful disarray and big brown eyes. Unfortunately, for Scott, he wasn't John.

"Sorry; I don't dance with strangers. Thanks though."

: :

John looked at Sherlock mouth hanging open in shock- until he had the absence of mind to close it- had Sherlock just said  _sorry_ and  _thank you_ in the same breath?

And hang on 'I don't dance with strangers.'? Did that mean he did dance with people he knew? Like John?

But why shouldn't he ask?

He could always blame it on the alcohol after all.

: :

"Sherlock?" He turned to face John still blushing a little from a minute ago.

"Yes?"

He saw John hesitate for a moment before he set his jaw in determination. "Do you want to dance?"

Sherlock felt his face heat up completely. "I...I..."

John bit his lip and Sherlock wondered if he regretted asking. Before he could form a coherent answer however a deep voice said "John?" from behind the man in question.

John looked surprised turning to face the tall, black ( _topless._ Why was he topless? There was no need in Sherlock's opinion. (Unless it was  _John_ topless.)) man stood behind him. "Jack?"

He reached out and picked John up off his barstool with muscled arms and pulled him into a hug against his well muscled chest. "It  _is_ you! I was wondering." The man grinned at the man in his arms practically shouting over the music with his deep Scottish accent.

Scottish by birth, Sherlock deduced, but has been living in London for at least a year, maybe longer, a soldier and mechanic by trade. Well Soldier would probably explain how he and John knew each other.

Sherlock made a split second decision and slipped off his stool, "Be back in a minute..." and with that he slipped into the crowd heading to the bathrooms to try and collect himself.

: :

John swatted at Jack playfully at Jack's chest "Oi!" He laughed happily. "Put me down! I'm not that bloody short!"

Jack chuckled "You are to me!" But set him down on his seat as he rolled his eyes and glared; jokes about his height had followed him through the army. Jack claimed the seat next to him and they chatted about the army and life now. John mentioned his job as a doctor in a local surgery, he didn't say much about Sherlock; just that he occasionally had to chase after his barmy best mate. Jack told him about his job as a mechanic that kept him fit and how he missed the army sometimes.

"So are you here alone?" Jack leaned a bit closer to John finally asking a question John knew was coming.

John paused before smiling slightly thinking of Sherlock. "No; I'm here with my...flatmate." John turned but a petit red haired woman now sat in Sherlock's seat chatting up the barman expertly. "Oh..."

"You live together?" Jack raised his eyebrows and looked a little disappointed.

"Ah no, he must have nipped out for a cigarette or something." If he was having a cigarette John would find them later.

"Ah so you're with this guy?"

"Oh not like that!" Not that John hadn't thought about it; a lot, for that matter. Or that he'd been about to act on it until Jack recognised him.

"Oh good." Jack reached out and drew him across to him until John was straddling Jack's lap.

"Jack I-"

"I haven't been able to get you out of my head John. Not since you dumped me."

"Jack you were just a bit too possessive-"

"I was your  _boyfriend_ John."

" _Was_."

Jack glared before- ignoring John's protests- he crushed their lips together.

: :

Sherlock was almost back to the bar- fighting his way through crowds in this place was tedious he'd decided- when he saw Jack pull John (who was on his lap (he looked uncomfortable Sherlock noted happily)) into a kiss. John was clearly reluctant and had his hands flat against Jack's chest pushing against him.

The sight made him almost irrationally angry; this man would dare touch (his) John without John's permission? It was just wrong.

He pushed the last few people out the way to reach the pair and twisted one of Jack's hands to free John before pulling him off the larger man's lap and starting towards the door.

"Oi! Who the hell-?! John!" Jack made a grab for John's wrist but John shook him off and let Sherlock pull him away through the crowds.

: :

"Hey Sherlock I'm really grateful for you getting my possessive ex off me but could you just let go off my wrist...?"

...No answer.

"Sherlock? Where are we going?"

...No answer.

"Sherlock, are you okay?"

"No."

...Nothing past that.

"Sherlock? Sherlock please; you're hurting my hand!"

Sherlock stopped at that and released his wrist before pushing him against the alley wall. "Sherlock...!?"

"Don't let anyone else kiss you ever again."

There was a steely glint in Sherlock's clear eyes and John just had to ask. "Wha-" Sherlock leant forward silencing him with a hard, bruising kiss.

John gasped as he was pushed back further into the bricks and began to kiss back swiping his tongue along Sherlock's lower lip. The other man gasped this time and John pushed his tongue into his mouth tasting and exploring.

John was confused- he thought Sherlock wasn't interested (the other man's interest was poking him in the hip at his point so that theory was out the window.)- but he certainly wasn't complaining as he pushed Sherlock back and pinned him against the wall opposite continuing the kiss.

After a while Sherlock pulled away and moaned "John please..."

"Right. Home, now, before I take you right here. I don't think this'd be the best place for our first time." He grinned at the resulting whimper and pulled Sherlock away to catch a cab.

: :

They barely made it through their flat's door; stumbling across the threshold still trying to kiss and touch. John slammed the door by pushing Sherlock up against it and kissing his neck. He responded by moaning and wrapping his long legs round John's waist, allowing the soldier to take his full weight.

John hitched Sherlock up a little and carried him over to the sofa putting him down and straddling his hips rutting against the taller man slowly until Sherlock was moaning and begging.

"I thought you didn't beg, Sherlock?" John's voice held a teasing note.

Sherlock's response was to pull John down and kiss him heatedly. "I need you though John. Need you in me. Now."

John gasped and kissed him again. "Have you done this before?"

"In university; I messed around a bit for experiments."

"Right. So you know how it'll feel."

Sherlock nods despite it being a statement and hooks a leg over John's waist pulling him even closer.

"Right. Bed. Now."

Sherlock nodded eagerly and as John got off he sat up. "Um it'll have to be yours though John..." He blushed again and looked down. "I have no...supplies..."

John chuckled and hauled him up and into another long kiss; just standing exploring each others' mouths. "That's nothing to be embarrassed about Sherlock."

Sherlock looked down at John and smiled ducking his head to kiss him again.

: :

John pushed in slowly hitching Sherlock's leg further up on his shoulder as he paused letting Sherlock get used to him.

After a long pause Sherlock nodded. "Move, please?"

John began slowly and then began moving faster as Sherlock became more vocal, rutting back onto John.

John bent his head into the crook of Sherlock's neck and bit the soft skin he found there. Sherlock arched up "John, I'm close. Please. Please."

He complied and took Sherlock in hand pumping him quickly with a small amount of pressure. Sherlock groaned and arched up coming in thick wads all over John's hands and both of their chests. John followed close behind; Sherlock becoming so tight and hot.

Lying together afterwards after they'd cleaned up John started laughing quietly. "What is it?" Sherlock sounded hurt.

"Sorry Sherlock. I'm not laughing at you. This is just absurd; I never thought..."

"That I'd be interested?"

"Yeah."

"I am though."

"Oh good."

Sherlock lay back down next to John and tucked himself close to the doctor. "Yeah."

"So this will be happening again then?"

"Obviously. Do keep up John."

 


	2. It's Such a Mystery

_It's Such a Mystery..._

: :

When the next letter came John didn't even open it just sat and stared at the familiar scrawl of his name on the front.  _'Dr J. H. Watson'_ made John want to cry and rip up the letter and laugh all at once. Oh god, why did this have to happen? Why couldn't the bloody sod leave him alone even after he died? He had to keep making John _remember,_ he couldn't just leave him to be depressed.

He hated everything that had happened in the last two months from the moment the last words left Sherlock's mouth to the moment this new hell was unleashed upon him; the monthly letters that were just torture.

This fresh hell wouldn't let him forget but that's the only thing John wanted to do.

So of course John put the letter with the other one; in the box, under his bed so he could forget it. And he did, well, that's what he told himself he did.

: :

John was sat at his desk in the surgery shrouded in darkness with only his lamp to show him the files he was working on. The door opened and light flooded the room but a moment later it was blocked out as someone- Sarah- stood in front of his desk.

"John, go home."

John didn't even look up from the files he was working his way through. "No Sarah."

"Why not, you're obviously exhausted!" He could hear frustration and worry in her voice but he just couldn't bring himself to care.

"I have to finish these files."

He was lying- he knew it. He set his pen down on top of the open patient profile. Without the scratching of it working over the paper the room seemed empty, despite Sarah's panicked voice, which sounded muted to John's ears.

"No you don't! For God's sake John you really don't! Not for months." Sarah sounded desperate and worried. "You're scaring all of us John."

"Us?" He still refused to look up.

"Molly phoned; she said Greg phoned her as well. People at the yard are worried, so is Mrs Hudson for that matter." Sarah sounded desperate now.

John finally looked up with blank, dead eyes that made Sarah flinch. He saw, he didn't care. "Why should any of you care?"

"Because we're you're friends John!"

John stood quickly and turned away. "Leave it well alone Sarah."

"No, John! Please, John, see sense!-"

"What sense is there?!" John felt irrational anger spring from nowhere; Sherlock was dead, his best friend was dead and everyone was expecting him to be unchanged!

"Oh for God's- John! When he jumped off that bloody building it's like you hit the ground with him!"

John fell back against the wall as if he'd been physically hit, he could feel colour rising in his cheeks. He hissed out from between gritted teeth, "And what? You thought I'd be fine? You thought I'd be  _unchanged_ because of this?" John clenched his teeth together and stood up straight heading to the door. "You know what, Sarah? Fuck you! Leave me alone and tell everyone to stop worrying because, oh yes, I'm  _fine_."

: :

_John,_

_Do you realise just how strange- how wrong- it is for me not to see you every day? To have to live my life without you? I understand that I won't be living for much longer but even the idea of being without you- of having to face the world alone- is horrific, repulsive even._

_I cannot imagine what you are going through having to face this waking nightmare of not having a friend with you. Though I cannot presume to be your friend; I cannot even presume that you will miss me. I can only hope, John, I hope and pray- in fact since I have realised I must die (and yes unfortunately I must John- I can't think of any other way and believe me I have tried to think of another way because leaving you is so painful John, so very painful.) I have been doing a lot of praying; I don't know who to- maybe Mycroft (don't tell him that; we don't need his head to explode)- but the truth is, John; if I got into some trouble I couldn't fix myself Mycroft would and always could fix it. That little kid who he always saved is me and I need saving from myself John._

_But I'm not stupid and you know that now, don't you? I jumped because of my intellect but I am incredibly stupid because now- now when I realise this all- it is too late to stop. Too late to go back. Too late to tell you anything._

_All I want is to be back in 221b with you watching crap TV and trying to figure out the mystery that is you, Dear John, that's all I want and instead I'm planning how to die._

_I'm so sorry for that; I will regret it for the rest of my life, however short that is._

_Yours forever,_

_Yours always,_

_Sherlock._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are appreciated! We'd love to hear what you have to say even if it's criticism or hate, again. 
> 
> From M and C.

**Author's Note:**

> Visit us on tumblr at cute-will-kill


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